give them diet coke and cigs and they dont stop: Archive

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#21 Writer’s Workshops
January 23, 2008 by clander

It’s no secret. White people want to be writers. Why wouldn’t they? Work 10 hours a week from a country house in Maine or England. Get called a genius by other white people, and maybe get your book made into a film.

Every single white person harbors this dream. No matter what they tell you, all of them have at least one chapter of a novel stashed away somewhere.

Being a marginally crafty race, white people will often seek out every possible route to achieving this goal, and one of the most popular methods has been writers workshops.

These are expensive mini go-to-school type vacations. Where you talk with a published writer (often someone you haven’t heard of, but they have a book on Amazon) who will tell you how they became writers. If there is time, they will listen to you read your stuff and tell that you it’s good but it needs work on a) structure, b) characters, c) dialogue. Then they will collect their check and go back to their country house or studio apartment in New York.

” —via stuff white people like

Feb 29, 2008

i am stoked

3 of my best friends are visiting in april.

ive known them since we were kids and we all know way too much embarassing stuff about one another.

queen bees unite.

yes we were called the queen bees in high school. dont hate.

Feb 29, 2008

Check out Linden's Photography

http://www.lindenoliviahass.com/home.html

she is awesome.

Feb 29, 2008

“Amis is a dolt. Seriously, she’d rather be masquerading as a boy in the locker room for her school newspaper expose.” —j harvey’s recap of antm- referencing one of the greatest 80s movies ever- just one of the guys…i was so hot for buddy the horny brother

Feb 29, 2008

“I was called a slut when I split up with Michael and began seeing Len, but I’ve only ever had about three boyfriends. Only a handful of people have seen into the Pharaoh’s Tomb!” The star also insisted her best asset is too “private” to discuss. She said: “My best feature is unfortunately a private matter, although I’m told it is spectacular. But you can’t really walk it down the red carpet. What can I say?” —kate beckinsale

Feb 29, 2008

more memories

when i was a little kid, my papa used to pick me up from school and wed go to my uncles for dinner about 45 minutes away.

he had a pale yellow mercedes with stiff leather seats covered in those sheep skin things. he would play classical music and wed pick up bbq from lexington to take to my uncles. i can almost feel the fluffy seat cover and my course plaid jumper i had to wear to school.

he also had a small, i guess beany baby sized stuffed tiger that i had given him from a kids meal or something. he kept it near the stick shift.

i miss that. i miss being younger and having him pop out his bridge for me. that used to freak me out. i miss meeting him at clemson for games, eating sandwiches in the parking lot during tailgating.

man. its making me sad that hes getting older.

Feb 29, 2008

my pets

gus

tobey

and the auggie, now living in philly with my old roommates mom

Feb 29, 2008

Los Angeles passes law requiring pets to be spayed or neutered by 4 months of age

tricky….

this is a really weird situation. of course i think its awful that there are so many pets that dont have homes and theyre reaching high numbers…but at the same time you arent going to have any more mix breed pets being born.

it is a GOOD thing in that the number can be controlled and maybe the pets that are around now can be brought into loving homes. i feel that it should be the responsibility of the owner to control their animals mating habits, but then again gabriel, the dog we had when i was a kid, would go off on boning tangents and probably had a good number of litters. its hard to control unless they are spayed or neutered. PLUS if the animal has behavioral issues, as sad as it is for the men who cant identify, removing the ol balls can help make them calmer. dont call the pet a eunich.

while my family has two pure bred dogs now, who i love so much, i have loved our pound puppies to an insane degree as well. pets from the pound are awesome, even more grateful and special.

plus most people dont get their pets from a good breeder. we bought tobey from a breeder who only gets her westies from ireland, where the conditions are good and there isnt inner litter mating. (gross) gus was bought the same way and was actually the only puppy in his litter.

so people in la and everywhere else, get your animal spayed so there arent more homeless pets wandering around. i guess?

in other news, kids in ny- go to the aspca and get a pet. my old roommate and i did and auggie was an amazing, crazy looking, and hilarious addition to the apartment.

Feb 29, 2008

lost nerd

my friend is making me laugh so hard, she said she wanted to sit in sawyers lap and feed him fish bisquits and that she wanted to see his long con

Feb 29, 2008

sometimes babies are adorable

my friend from college- melissa- is having another baby…i think her baby wes is the cutest thing…i love red heads!!

well hes more of a toddler. check out the frat boy style!!

Feb 28, 2008

tales from my grandmother

i love my grandmother. shes like a best friend and we talk every night. tonight she regaled me with some tales im putting on here for posterity:

- she met my papa at the beach, he was a waiter at a house where she was having dinner…she wasnt interested and later his friend came by to ask her out for papa and she said she wouldnt go out with anyone who couldnt ask for himself

- she and her best friend phyllis were staying at the beach and were sitting on the porch being silly, as she said. they went out to the street and started flagging down boys and telling them to come to a party at midnight…then they went to bed

- my papa was and still is, very funny. a bit of a prankster too. he put a clothes pin on mimis coat before they went to a hoity toity wedding and forgot to take it off. he also refused to mow the lawn and said he could make more money on the golf course on a weekend to supplement a lawn guy

- they used to travel alot and saw the beatles, dean martin, frank sinatra, etc in vegas. im so jealous.

i guess the bottom line is, im so glad and lucky to have such a feisty, funny family. im so glad my grandmother tells me these things and i love her so much.

i feel awful that my papa isnt doing too well health wise and im definitely going to call him tomorrow to chat.

anyway, that might have been boring to you, but i wanted to record it for posterity while its fresh.

ps my grandmother said “its amazing how much you used to be naked. people now would think we were dirty taking so many pictures.” HA

Feb 28, 2008

if i had a dog:

he would sleep in these

would wear these for his walk:

but he would NOT wear this:

Feb 28, 2008

Oh this made me laugh

via nedroid.com

Feb 28, 2008